Full Moon/Transcript
Scene 1: P.S. 118 Hallways Harold: This is gonna be great. Stinky: He sure is gonna be surprised. Arnold: Hey guys, what are you doing? Sid: We're all gonna moon Principal Wartz. Stinky: It was Harold's brilliant idea. Harold: You wanna do it with us? Arnold: I don't think so. Harold: Aw, come on, it's fun! Stinky: It's all the rage! Sid: All the junior high kids are doing it! Arnold: It sounds great you guys, but I think I'll pass! Harold: Aw, you're just a chicken! Arnold: I'm not chicken Harold! I just don't think it's a good idea! Harold: That's because you're a weenie; you don't have the guts, that's all! Sid: Yeah, you just don't have the guts. Harold: No guts at all! Arnold: It's not that, I just- Harold: Shh. Shh. Here he comes! Get ready, on three! One-- Arnold: Are you really going to go through with this? Harold: Shh. Two! Three! Principal Wartz: What the, what is this? (puts his glasses on and saw Harold, Stinky, and Sid mooning him) Oh my! (the three boys, Harold, Stinky, and Sid run out of the hallway and start laughing as they run away.) Come back here you little hooligans! Scene 2: Outside P.S. 118 (they run out of the school and Principal Wartz was panting) Principal Wartz: You won't get away with this. (Arnold tries to leave; Principal Wartz catches him) You there! Where do you think you're going, young man? Scene 3: Principal Wartz's Office (Busted; Arnold is now in Principal Wartz's office) Arnold: But Principal Wartz, I told you, I didn't do anything! Principal Wartz: Well that maybe, but you saw the hooligans who did do it. Arnold: Yeah? Principal Wartz: Ah-ha! Now were getting somewhere! Just give me their names: last name, first name. Arnold: I can't do that. Principal Wartz: This isn't a joke, young man. You think exposing portions of your anatomy to your school principal is funny? Arnold: Well, I guess it depends. Principal Wartz: Depends on what? Arnold: The situation. Principal Wartz: Mooning is not funny! It's not a game! You may think it's a harmless school yard prank, but let me assure you: it is NOT! Someone could put an eye out! Arnold: Because of mooning? Principal Wartz: I'll ask the questions here. Now for the last time, you tell me the names of the boys who exposed themselves. Arnold: I can't do that Principal Wartz. Principal Wartz: Of course you can. It's easy. Arnold: If I told you, then I'd be ratting out on the guys. And I can't do that. Principal Wartz: I'm assigning you detention. Arnold: Detention? But why? Principal Wartz: Failure to cooperate. I want to see you every day after school in my office for the next four weeks. Arnold: Four weeks? But I- Principal Wartz: That is all. (calls someone on the phone) Now what's the name of our art teacher? Ms. Flunt, yes. Ask her to come in here please, would you? And tell her to bring her sketchpad. Scene 4: Outside P.S. 118 Harold: Hey, Arnold, you didn't tell on us didn't you? Arnold: No Harold, I didn't tell! Both: Phew! Harold: What did Wartz do to you? Arnold: He gave me four weeks detention. Sid: Four weeks? Stinky: But you didn't even do anything. Arnold: I know, Stinky. Harold: You better not rat on us, Arnold! 'Cause you know what will happen if you do! Arnold: I won't tell! Stinky: You think maybe it ain't fair for Arnold to take the blame for what we did? Sid: You mean like, maybe we should tell Wartz that we're the ones who mooned him and get Arnold off the hook? Harold: NO, NO, NO! Arnold got caught; that's his fault, not ours! We got away of what we did and that's all that counts. Nobody is going into Wartz's office and telling him what we did! Nobody! You got it!? Sid: I guess there's no sense in all three of us getting detention. Stinky: Hmm. I guess you're right, Harold. You figured he'll crack and spill the beans? Scene 5: Arnold's Room/Gerald's Room Gerald: (on the phone) Four weeks? Well, that's hard time, bubba. Arnold: He said he'd let me off the hook if I tell him who mooned him. Gerald: So, you're gonna do it? Arnold: No. Gerald: Why not? After all, you didn't do anything. Arnold: And Harold, Sid, and Stinky wanna tell Wartz what they did. That's their decision. And I'm not gonna tell him. I'm not a rat! Gerald: Man, that is solid. But it's stupid, but it's solid. Arnold: See you, Gerald. (Looks over at an April calender that has "DETENTION" written all over it) Scene 6: P.S. 118 Playground/Stairway/Cafeteria Principal Wartz: (over the PTA) Students, yesterday at approximately 3:38 p.m., a heinous crime was committed here in the halls of P.S. 118. Three of our pupils engaged in the flagrant violation of district rules, namely the dropping of their trousers and exposing of their fleshy unmentionables to a respected and beloved school official. Some of you may know this despicable practice as mooning. Well let me assure you, the culprits will be uncovered! I will get to the bottom of this! That is all. Sid: What if he finds out we did it? Harold: He won't find out if nobody tells him. Scene 7: Principal Wartz's Office Principal Wartz: No, no, the third mooner had a rounder, fuller posterior with a mole on his right cheek. Very nice. Very nice, that's much better, Mrs. Flaunt. Now, Albert... Arnold: It's Arnold. Principal Wartz: Right, right. Look, Arnold, I know you're not a bad kid; you keep saying you didn't actually display your end region to me, but the other three boys did. Can we agree on that? Arnold: Okay? Principal Wartz: Good, okay. Now that were on the same side on the fence on that point, let me follow this question to you: what's the harm in just letting me know the names of the boys? Arnold: Well, it's just that- Principal Wartz: You can just let them slip out or whisper to me or we can play a guessing game until I got the answers. Arnold: No, I can't tell you. Principal Wartz: Why? Arnold: I'm not a rat. Principal Wartz: Young man, I must warn you that unless you play ball and tell me the names of the hooligans who exposed themselves to me, I will be forced to take note of your lack of cooperation and write it down for all eyes and ears to see on your permanent record. Scene 8: Outside P.S. 118 Stinky: I reckon this will go on his permanent record. Sid: I don't know I can take the pressure. Stinky: What if you bet he cracks and rats us all out? Harold: Don't worry, Arnold's not a snitch; he won't rat! Stinky: I don't know, Harold. Harold: I'm telling you, he won't rat! Scene 9: Outside Arnold's House Harold: Did you rat? Arnold: No, Harold, I didn't rat! Harold: Well you better not, cause if you do, you know what will happen? Arnold: You'll pound me. Harold: That's right, I'll pound you! Arnold: Yeah, right. Harold: I will, Arnold! You can believe me! You know what, I'll pound you so good that you'll be sorry! Scene 10: Detention (The next day, Arnold is at detention writing "Mooning is not funny" on paper and on the board with Principal Wartz watching. He is then shown a slideshow presentation called "Mooning is Not Funny".) Scene 11: P.S. 118 Hallways Gerald: So, you want to go to the arcade? Arnold: I can't. I still have detention. Gerald: Oh yeah. I forgot. Four weeks? Man, you really took the fall for those guys, didn't you? Arnold: Yep. (Unknown to the two of them, Gerald overheard them and starts to feel bad) Scene 12: Principal Wartz's Office/Outside P.S. 118 Principal Wartz: Don't think of it as being a snitch. Just think of it as being a good citizen. Chocolate creme? You know, Albert. Arnold: Arnold. Principal Wartz: You know, Arnold. It's not easy to do the right thing. Harold: He's gonna rat! He's gonna rat! Principal Wartz: When I was a boy, I found myself in the situation very similar to the one you're in right now. Arnold: Really? Principal Wartz: Mmm-hmm? You see, I witnessed several of my fellow classmates placing a frog in our teacher's desk. When she came back and discovered the frog, she singled me out and demanded that I tell her who was responsible. Arnold: What did you do? Principal Wartz: I did the right thing. I sang like a canary, I tattled on every single one of them. Arnold: What happened? Principal Wartz: The culprits were severely punished and I was rewarded with a gold star. Oh, sure my classmates were pretty mad at me at first. They called me a weasel, they refused to eat lunch with me, and beat me up on a regular basis. in fact, my reputation as a weasel followed me all the way into high school and college. I was stuffed into lockers, and "Kick me" signs taped to my back. I can't tell you the abuse I suffered from practically every person I ever came and contact with. I didn't have a date 'til I was twenty three. But I didn't care about those things, because I knew I had done the right thing. And in the end, I overcame all that abuse and I grew up to become an elementary school principal. Wouldn't you like to become an elementary school principal? Arnold: Not really. Harold: You told him, didn't you? Arnold: No, Harold! Harold: You're lying! I saw you talking to Wartz! You told him it was me, and Stinky, and Sid, didn't you!? Didn't you!? Arnold: No, Harold! I didn't! Harold: Well, why not? Arnold: Because it wouldn't be right! Harold: But you got detention for four weeks and you didn't even do anything! If I was you and you were me, I would have cracked the first day and ratted you out! Arnold: Well, maybe you would've, Harold. But I didn't, and I'm not going to. I gotta go. Principal Wartz: Young man? Harold: Uh oh, Principal Wartz? Principal Wartz: Hello. Do you recognize everyone in this sketch? Harold: No, sir, I don't. I really don't. Not at all. Principal Wartz: Alright. Well, keep up the good work, son. Harold: I sure will, Mr.- Principal Wartz. Scene 13: Harold's Room (Harold is having a really bad dream at night) Scene 14: P.S. 118 Hallways Gerald: Man Arnold. I can't believe it. Your last day of detention and you're completely innocent. If you finish off the day and don't snitch on those other guys, this is gonna go on your permanent record. Arnold: It's just something I've gotta do. Scene 15: Principal Wartz's Office Principal Wartz: Young man, I now have your permanent record. Now you still have a chance to save yourself. Just tell me who the real mooners are. Tell me their names, and I won't have to enter this terrible black mark on your record. Arnold: I can't do that. Principal Wartz: You understand that your permanent record will follow you all the way to junior high? Arnold: I understand. Principal Wartz: And you still won't tell? Arnold: No. Principal Wartz: Then you leave me no choice. Harold: I did it! It was me! I'm sorry, Arnold was completely innocent! I'm the mooner! I'm the mooner!! Stinky: I'm guilty too! Sid: And me! We all did it together! Stinky: Arnold had nothing to do with it! Sid: He was just a pawn in our horrible twisted prank! Stinky: He's a saint! Harold: He's a saint. Principal Wartz: Well young man, I suppose this lets you off the hook... for now. Scene 16: Outside P.S. 118 Harold: I had to do it. I just couldn't live with the guilt. Arnold: it's gonna go on your permanent record. Harold: Oh, I know. But, I never figure I make it to junior high anyways. Stinky: I'm feeling so much better now that we fest up. Sid: Me, too. I guess we didn't realize it. But deep down, the guilt was driving us crazy the whole time. You know, subconsciously. Harold: Hey Arnold, remember when I said you didn't have any guts because you wouldn't moon Principal Wartz? Arnold: Yeah? Harold: Well, you didn't have any guts then, but after you set up to Wartz and didn't rat us out, well, I figured that took a lot of guts. More guts than me, Stinky, Sid got put together. Sid: Yeah, Arnold. You got guts. Stinky: You're just chock full of guts. Arnold: Thanks. Harold: Hey guys. What do you say tomorrow we'll make a great big ol' sign that says "Kick me" and tape it to Mr. Simmons' back? Sid: Ha ha! What a great idea! Stinky: Everybody will be kicking him all day! And he won't get why. Arnold: I don't know if that's such a great idea. Category:Full Moon Category:Episode transcripts